If you find yourself overwhelmed by all the problems around you, it might be hard to believe that one person can make a difference in the lives of others. In her book How to Make an African Quilt: The Story of the Patchwork Project of Segou, Mali (Nighthawk Press), Bonnie Lee Black shows us that the desire to help other women, combined with vision and taking action can change lives.

Bonnie went to Gabon, Central Africa, through the Peace Corps, in 1996, at the age of 51, to teach health and nutrition to women. After her two years of service, she realized she loved Africa so much that she wanted to stay longer.  So she traveled to Segou, Mali, and continued to look for ways of being of service. When a group of Malian seamstresses visiting Bonnie’s house saw a wall quilt that she made and one of the women asked her what it was,  Bonnie replied, “Patchwork.” The seamstress said, “We must learn how to do that,” and Bonnie’s next project, The Patchwork Project of Segou, Mali, was born. For her remaining nearly three years in Mali, she taught Malian seamstresses how to do patchwork quilting, in the hopes that one day their work could be sold over the Internet.

In the book, Bonnie describes her feeling of being at home in Africa. She says, “For reasons even I didn’t fully understand, I felt I must stay.” As she taught groups of women how to quilt, she was accepted and embraced as a sister by the women of the Patchwork Project. The women who learned to quilt saw the way that the project could make a difference in their lives. One of Bonnie’s students, Fatou Sogoba, said:

“The Patchwork Project is a good project of development. It is a project that can succeed here because Malian textiles are very rich. It will also permit women to have money, which will make them economically independent.”

At a recent book release event in Taos, New Mexico, Bonnie shared more about the reasons that quilting was a natural craft for the women of Mali. The area has a long history of growing cotton and using it for textiles. Bonnie said, “The people of Mali are proud of their traditions, and their love of cotton runs deep.” She said that all the steps in producing cotton goods are performed in Mali, from growing cotton to weaving fabric to celebrating the creation of beautiful clothing and wall hangings. Because it is so hot in Mali year-round, the idea of using a quilt to keep warm at night was a foreign one. But the women of Segou immediately saw how scraps of fabric could be used, rather than wasted, to produce a beautiful cloth blanket for people in colder climates. The women attended Bonnie’s classes to learn how to quilt with the intent that they would continue to teach other women. The classes also undertook commissions, such as a large quilt to be given as a wedding present to Bonnie’s nephew and his new bride.

When Bonnie said that she felt at home in Africa, some of the women commented that Bonnie had surely been African in a former life. In contemplating this possibility, Bonnie began to envision herself as a young girl born in Mali, but stolen by slave traders. Bonnie’s vision of herself in a former life, as a woman named Jeneba, becomes yet another square stitched into the many stories in her new book that create a patchwork pattern.

The fictional character of Jeneba was a slave on a plantation in South Carolina. She eventually bears children, fathered by the plantation owner. Jeneba is also a quilt maker who uses her designs to help show the way to escaping slaves on the Underground Railroad. By the end of the book, Jeneba’s story comes together with the quilters of Mali, showing how lives that have been unraveled can be made whole again.

For more on Bonnie and her work with the Peace Corps and in Mali, read our profile here or visit Bonnie’s website.

Have you heard about the new book by Lisa Bloom? It’s called Swagger:10 Urgent Rules for raising boys in an era of failing schools, mass joblessness, and thug culture. In this book, Bloom makes the case that there is too much swagger in our culture.

In fact, the first of her ten rules for raising boys right now is “Lose the Swagger, Kid.” She says the first thing that is needed is “a major attitude adjustment.”  According to her research, we’ve become a culture seeking fame and fortune. For example, in the 1950’s, just 12 percent of high school seniors felt that they were a “very important person.” Now 80percent of high school seniors feel that way. Bloom said that in an effort to support self-esteem in kids, we’ve gone too far and created a culture that over estimates our capabilities and accomplishments.

Read more…

Once you tell yourself the truth, it is a lot easier to say it to everyone else.

M. Dickson

Is it OK to excuse yourself from a relationship that is toxic for you, even if that relationship is with a family member? M. Dickson says – yes. “Being able to say that this relationship is bad for me and I don’t want to be here and then removing yourself is an important lesson. It is not about right or wrong; it’s more about your own mental health.”

On May 15, M. Dickson’s new book dear dad, it’s over will be released by Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing.  The book tells the story of M.’s struggle to come to terms with the relationship with her father, which began to fall apart when her parents divorced. With a clear-eye and a straightforward approach, M. recounts the many times that her dad let her down for more than 20 years. Although M.’s tone is even and factual, the reader will find themselves emotionally involved, as she tells about disappointment after disappointment, including times when her father actually put her in danger. Once, he let her stay alone at the airport overnight and often his actions resulted in uncomfortable and vulnerable situations for a young M.

At the age of 26, M. made the decision to stop being involved with her father. She says “I struggled with protecting my father.  But the book is about being honest. I had to put it out there. The book is not meant to be malicious, I see my faults as well.” Read more…

Healthy confidence is a teenage girl’s shield against the struggles and challenges of life. When teenage girls have high self-confidence, they are able to SUCCEED!  Ruby L. Taylor, M.S.W.

Confidence to Greatness is effective because women (and a man) tell the stories of their own struggles and failures with courage and candor. This collection of essays also focuses on how girls overcame obstacles to achieve their dreams. So often, young women find themselves in unsupportive or abusive homes or facing a teen pregnancy. The message of Confidence to Greatness is that none of these problems condemn a girl to failure. Although teenage girls are the intended audience for this book – I think the message that having self-confidence and dreaming big can create real success is important one for all of us.

The book includes a definition of self-worth by Barb Steinberg:

Self-worth is having confidence, believing in yourself, and liking yourself. Self-worth is knowing that it is because of WHO you are and not what you do that you are worthy. You are worthy of being alive; you are worthy of being liked/loved; and you are worthy of good things happening in your life.

We all need the reassurance that we are lovable and deserving of good relationships.  When you feel this way, the pressure of your girlfriends to smoke or drink means less. If you have high self-esteem, you don’t cave in to your boyfriend’s insistence on  having sex when you are not ready.

In addition to the essays, the book has a quiz to help you determine your current self-worth and also a series of priceless actions to take including healing, acknowledging your own value,  appreciating failure, locating your riches, pushing, volunteering and cheering for yourself.

Know a teenage girl who could use a self-worth guide?  Go to www.confidencetogreatness.org or order the book here: http://www.payloadz.com/go/jump?id=1598623&aff_id=3441474.

Mindfulness is being aware of yourself, others, and your surroundings in the moment. When consciously and kindly focusing awareness on life as it unfolds minute by precious minute, you are better able to savor each experience.  

Sue Patton Thoele, The Mindful Woman

Would you like to be more serene, peaceful, and happy? According to Sue Patton Thoele in The Mindful Woman, mindfulness is a way to achieve all of those things.  I have long sought a way to be more content and able to enjoy the present moment, without worrying so much about the past or future.

Sue says that the elements of mindfulness are:

1.  Paying attention – focusing in the present

2.  Living in the moment – consciously engaging in what we are doing in the now

3.  Simplifying – clearing out inner and outer clutter

4.  Breathing - ”Breathing is the bridge between body and mind and the gateway to the present moment.”

Sue discusses a variety of practices that can help lead to a state of calmness including cultivating compassionate awareness and being at home in the moment.  One of my favorite practices is generating soft power.  She describes out when she first began to feel empowered, she grew a “tougher-than-necessary shell.”  With time and increased confidence she was able to find a way to retain her new power and also access her tender-hearted, gentle authentic nature.  She calls this state “soft power.”

As we learn to increase our confidence or swagger, I believe it is possible to stay in touch with our inner generosity and balance.  Going forward with swagger, does not require that we act like men or even other powerful women we know.  Rather true feminine swagger allows us to generate the courage we need by drawing on our authentic core and our own experiences and strengths.

After reading The Mindful Woman, I’ve come to believe that being centered, present, and mindful can help us access our intuitive wisdom, grace, and natural swagger. You can read the book or just begin to practice by breathing into the present moment with its joys and pleasures.

Do you tell yourself lies?  You are not pretty enough, smart enough, rich enough?  In her new book, Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves (New World Libary 2011)  Amy Ahlers lists 59 lies that women tell themselves.  Why lies?  Because according to Amy – we are enough – we don’t even have to prove it.

Ahlers starts the book with what she calls the Mother Lode: Big Fat Lies about your worth.  These are the deep, foundational mistruths that we believe, including I am not enough, I am a total fraud, I am unloveable.  She takes us through each lie – essentially debunking it, showing us how why we might think that way. Sometimes she uses an example of a client or friend to show how the lie operates in real life.  A challenge follows that include ideas on overcoming the lie in your own life.  She closes with an affirmation and a quote.

Other sections include Big Fat Lies about your body, success, money, relationships, being authentic and your spirit.  Not all these lies may resonate with you, but some of them will. For those that don’t seem like your lies, you may be able to think of a friend or co-worker who seems to struggle with this one.  It is often easier to recognize the lies that others are living than the lies we are living ourselves, so this is a helpful perspective.

What is the pay-off for recognizing the lies you tell yourself and freeing yourself from them?  Ahlers says that this process will make it possible to “wake up your inner superstar.”  This superstar is you – but in touch with your inner wisdom and shining brighter in the world – essentially you stepping into your swagger.

After reading this book, I felt like Ahlers was my coach and friend – the one who is there for your when you really need to hear that you are, in fact – beautiful, brillant, and capable of contributing your special talents to the world.

In her description of  three day retreat with the Inner Wisdom Golden Circle, 21 women commited to breakthroughs in their lives,  Ahlers says, “I was astonished by their vulnerability and their bravery in telling the truth about how the ‘I am not enough’ Big Fat Lie has sabotaged them repeatedly.  We ended our weekend together with each woman standing strong in the middle of the circle , where we affirmed for her what she most neede to hear.  The words you are enough were said over and over.  I now invite you into the center of our virtual circle.”

You can watch Ahlers talk about the book on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=kvbaOi8RoUU

Did you know that many ancient civilizations worshipped the Goddess as the giver of life and wisdom? The cycles of the seasons and of life were understood as the context for life and people lived in balance with the earth.  Male energy and female energy both were honored.

Myth and reality began to change more than 4,000 years ago, when famines in the northern part of Europe and Russia caused marauding warriors to move south and conquer the Goddess-worshipping, peace loving people of the Mediterranean.  On Crete, there was a civilization that lived peacefully – there is no sign of war for 1,500 years, until the invaders from the north arrived.

Before the invasion, the Goddess was most revered, along with her companion or lover, but soon the lover began to take on characteristics of a god.  The Goddess’ power was distributed among many more minor Goddesses in the mythology of Greece and Rome – becoming Hera, Athena, Aphrodite.  As the Jewish and Christian religions developed, the Goddess or Queen of Heaven and her consort Baal were considered to be evil and their worship was forbidden.  Although outlawed, little carvings of the divine feminine were found throughout the Holy Lands. Symbols of the Goddess such as the snake and the apple were made evil as part of the creation myth of the Garden of Eden.

Our knowledge of the ancient Goddess culture has been in the shadows for a long time. Now, there is a revival of interest in those cultures and in the honoring of the divine feminine.  Goddesses for Every Day: Exploring the Wisdom and Power of the Divine Feminine around the World by Julie Loar is part of that awakening.  Julie has identified 366 goddesses – from civilizations around the world – ancient and contemporary – and presented them in this book, along with a contemplation on what each goddess means in our daily life. Read more…

What do you think of when you hear Cleopatra? Do you image a dark haired beauty, queen of sin, an enchantress?  Cleopatra was born in 69 BC and what we know of her was written by several historians – mostly Roman and some with a grudge against her.  From the few accounts that exist, movies and books have been born, adding speculation and fiction to the picture.

Did you know that Cleopatra was not Egyptian, but rather Greek? That she was not the first queen to be named Cleopatra?  In fact she was Cleopatra VII. That she may not have been beautiful in the way we imagine her?  There are few images of her to be found – mostly of coins with her portrait.  Take a look at the coin above – does she meet your definition of beauty?  Is she as beautiful as Angelina Jolie who will play Cleopatra in an upcoming movie?

Last fall, a new biography of Cleopatra was released written by Stacy Schiff.  The book is a fascinating reconstruction of what we know about Cleopatra using the original sources of the day and those written after Cleopatra’s death.  What makes this account different is that Schiff doesn’t take the sources at face value.  She digs deeper.  Typically if Cicero or Plutarch is quoted by biographers or college professors – there is a tone of reverence and absolute acceptance.  Schiff dares question these sources.  She quotes Cicero as “hating” the queen.  Schiff notes that Cicero, a Roman contemporary of Cleopatra’s, had taken a dislike to her – perhaps because she had promised him a book from her famous library in Alexandria and forgot to bring it to him, on one of her trips to Rome.  How might have the story of Cleopatra been different had she written the account and not a Roman who disliked her?

In Schiff’s book Cleopatra, we see a portrait of Cleopatra VII as a powerful queen, a master strategist, a cool pragmatist, a towering intellect, mother of four children, loyal lover of two famous Romans, woman of enormous confidence and daring,a commander of armies. Schiff describes the dichotomy of West and East – the Roman culture – male, war-like, judgemental, and based on fear and the Egyptian society – often ruled by women, rich, sensuous, imbued with the learning and history of the world as collected in the greatest library of its time in Alexandria.  Schiff says  “We still fight the battle of East and West, still lurch as uneasily as did Cicero between indulgence and restraint.  Sex and power continue to combust in spectacular ways.  Female ambition, achievement, authority, trouble us as they did the Romans, for whom Cleopatra was more a monster than a marvel, but undeniably a little of both. Read more…

I just finished reading How to Cook a Crocodile; a memoir with recipes by Bonnie Lee Black. I loved this book for the clear writing and the wonderful story telling.

What impressed me most was the creativity and fierce commitment that Bonnie brought to her Peace Corps service in Gabon, Africa. Not only did she teach cooking, health, and nutrition to the women in the small town of Lastoursville, but she also made puppets as a teaching tool for children, and reached out to the ambitious young men of the town who wanted to learn English and further their educations. In all aspects of her life, she sought to cultivate health and balance and find what was truly important to her – this in the middle of a humid, bug and reptile filled world.

Though not looking, she found love in a real and unusual relationship that encompassed her love of cooking and her desire for authentic connection, not encumbered by usual social expectations. 

She consciously considered where she could bring her talents to make a difference.  Bonnie decided it was more important for her to help women and children in an underdeveloped country than to make fancy dinner parties in New York a success.  I am inspired by Bonnie’s story and the courage it took to leave her comfortable life of caterer and food writer in New York and venture out into a new world and a new life.

Have you read Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth?  Two of my most trusted friends suggested it and I saw it twice in the bookstore, before I finally bought it.  I think I resisted because I didn’t feel that food was really my issue. I’ve developed a healthy relationship with food and with my body during my life.  Recently, by living the life I’ve always wanted to live, I’ve lost about 10 pounds (look for my next book Getting Thin Living the Life You Love.)

Read more…