Why are some young women naturally confident in school and everywhere else? Brenda the mother of 13 year old Amanda says that her daughter has always had her own personality. “She likes being an individual and doing her own thing. She has many friends, but a couple of close friends; they are all smart and some people might consider them geeky. Amanda is fine with that; she has a healthy attitude about it.”

Brenda says that Amanda has no interest in being friends with the “popular girls,” who are mean to each other and everyone else. She would rather pursue her own interests. If everyone else is playing soccer, Amanda would rather rock climb. She plays the French horn, one of only two girls to do so in the 8th grade and sings. Amanda was recently selected to play the French horn in the University of Colorado Middle School Honor Band.  It was a statewide competition that she auditioned for.  She will perform at CU in Macky Concert Hall in Boulder CO.

“She has confidence in herself, not in a bad way. She is not stuck up, just confident in what she likes even if it is different than everyone else. She has a positive self image.” Amanda has some role models. Some of her friends refuse to wear name brand clothes and instead dress in their own unique style.

Brenda says that she tries to support Amanda’s individuality. Read more…

When I worked with the YMCA Girl Power camp in Boulder CO in 2011, the girls in the camp said that the most important use of swagger in school is having the courage to stand up for someone else when they are being bullied or made fun of by other kids. One girl described how she wanted to stand up for one of her friends when the “popular girls” made fun of her. But she couldn’t find the courage to do it and felt terrible about it. As a group, we discussed ways to deal with that situation and practiced using words that might help so everyone would feel better able it when another one would arise. Some suggestions were using simple, straightforward language like, “I don’t think what you are doing is right” and “Stop bothering my friend.”

Nearly 30 percent of 12 to 18 year-olds in school reported that they were the target of bullies in the last six months, according to a study by the US Department of Justice. In the past, there was the perception that bullies have low-self esteem and need to put others down to make themselves feel better. A recent study published this past October in Psychology Today, showed that bullies actually have high self-opinions and those who are bullied have low self-esteem. On the other hand, kids who experience bullying may have lower self-esteem while being bullied and may eventually come to believe the negative things that are said to them, causing self-doubt and self-loathing.

Research has also shown that while some kids are bullied and some are bullies, 70-80 percent are by-standers. And because the by-standers are the majority, they have the opportunity to change the dynamics. “You do not have to be angry or confrontational but one person standing up for what is right is usually enough to inspire others to follow,” stated Mike Hardcastle in his article on Beating Peer Pressure for Teen Advice.

Peer Pressure and self-image

Teenagers who have higher self-esteem find it easier to resist peer pressure and deal with life’s challenges. While most teen-agers are vulnerable to going along with the crowd in order to be accepted, those with a good self-opinion are more likely to stand up for themselves and others and also avoid engaging in behaviors like drinking and smoking.

A growing number of organizations are focusing on anti-bullying. “Gang Up for Good,” an effort of Mean Stinks, sponsored by the makers of Secret deodorant, encourages girls to paint the pinkie finger nail blue, as a symbol that they don’t support
bullying. Read more about Mean Stinks here!

Although we usually associate bullying with school, bullies can be found everywhere, including work and in your family. Remembering to use your swagger to stand up for others is one way we can all contribute to creating a gentler, more peaceful world. As one respondent to the swagger survey said, “My example of swagger is raising my voice to stand up against people bullying others.”

Let’s all try to do follow her example and fight against bullying with Swagger.

Did you know that girls and boys are equally competent in math in middle school? Interestingly through, boys have significantly higher confidence than girls in their ability. According to the 2000 National Assessment of Educational Progress, 71 percent of eighth-grade boys and 60 percent of eighth-grade girls reported confidence in their math ability, although both boys and girls were equally proficient.

Why does confidence matter? There is evidence that lack of confidence can undermine performance. A 2009 French study  found that middle school girls did worse on a math test when told that boys generally did better in math than girls: read more.

Messages that girls can’t do math can undermine their progress and their confidence. In spite of these messages, girls and women are increasingly represented in engineering schools and careers.  We can all be part of the positive view that girls can excel in any subject that they choose and they don’t have to be limited by old stereotypes that we know are not true. Do you teach or have daughters or nieces? Be sure to ask them about their interests and encourage their dreams!

Guest blog by Sherri Henderson, co-founder National Minority Educators Association for Charter Schools (NMEACS)

We believe in all students being successful regardless of color or gender. It is not just a matter of promoting the boys and training them to become men, and thus saying they are the only designated leaders of a global market. To that we say nonsense!

We also need to support the girls and prepare them to become the leaders of the global market as well. To the point, the 4^th grade is too young and too early for a girl’s self-esteem to peak!

“Daddy’s little girl” has just as much right and promise to become the next President, Astronaut, Electrician, Fortune 500 C.E.O., Attorney, Small Business Owner, Engineer, Scientist, Advocate, U.S. Congress Representative (there are currently no Black females in the U.S. Senate), whatever it is she sets her sights on. We need to prepare all students to have an opportunity to aspire to greatness. We say don’t hate, motivate!

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.

                                                          Goethe

Do you know a recent graduate or someone who is in a time of transition in their life?  I recently shared my thoughts with Christian Science Monitor reporter Stephanie Hanes.  Here are the swagger tips for graduates:

1.      Find your values

2.      Dream big

3.      Listen to your inner wisdom

4.      Face reality

5.      Begin it

Want to know more? Read the story here: http://t.co/GuD9Ro4i

Are you back at school? How’s your swagger level?

Some girls and women learn to swagger at school.  Their academic or social success builds confidence that carries into other areas of their lives.  In response to the question where do you swagger in the swagger survey, one respondent said “at school swagger has helped me maintain an A average.  In my relationships it helps me create balance and love.”

Twenty-eight percent of the 125 women responding to the survey said they have swagger at school.  One girl says “I have swagger at school because all the girls want to sit next to me in class, cafeteria etc. And I was voted funniest girl in class.”

Did you ever think you knew the right answer, but kept quiet because the class brain answered the question?  Did it ever turn out that you were right and he/she was wrong?  You can read about Wendy’s swagger moment when she had the courage to give her own answer and she turned out to be right at http://www.girlsguidetoswagger.com/category/girls-who-swagger/swagger-at-school/.

Success in school often translates into success in career – but not always.  As is the case in some other professions typically dominated by men, women are well-represented in law school, but their numbers drop over time and at higher levels within a law firm. In 2008-2009, women were estimated to comprise:

-47% of law students

-45% of associates

-18% of partners (women of color made up only 1.65% of law firm partners).

It appears that women are often on equal footing with men in school environments, but they may experience a loss of interest in working, as their interest in having a family or a more balanced life grows. While one in eight women lawyers worked part time, only 1 in 50 men did so. Women lawyers earned 75% of men’s salary. In 99% of the law firms surveyed, the top paid lawyer was a man.

Do you swagger at school?  How will you make sure that your confidence in the classroom translates into success in your career and other areas of your life?

Join the discussion on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/GirlsGuideToSwagger.