Want advice on how to get more swagger?  This is the second in an advice series called Swagger Up.  Our readers submit their questions and one of our panel of experts provides an answer.  This answer on body image is provided by Carmen Cool, psychotherapist and director of Boulder Youth Body Alliance. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Boulder-Youth-Body-Alliance/121124328755?ref=ts

How can swagger be used combat bad body image and eating problems for girls and women today?

I love this question because it points to something beyond “the problem” of body dissatisfaction. It points to solutions. To action. To resilience. To the necessity of saying “I refuse to accept anything less than fully embracing my WHOLE SELF!”

Over and over,what I hear from young women is the importance of knowing that there is another option to hating our bodies. There is another path. It’s not easy to love our bodies, but the effort is so, so worth it! When you look back on your life, will the things you’re the most proud of be the size of your thighs?

Redefine health and beauty for yourself.  Your own body is the best source of wisdom you have for knowing how and what to eat, what kind of movement increases your vibrancy and helps you feel awesome. Negative body image is painful and it affects our well-being, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Think of how much time you’ve spent worrying about how you look. What else could you be doing with that time? One young woman I work with says, “When I’m free from body hatred, I feel more comfortable and I can do anything I put my mind to. Because if I’m not worried about what I look like or what other people think I should look like – then the possibilities are endless!”

Find other girls who are committed to thinking differently about this, who are wanting to reclaim their right to full personhood in their bodies exactly as they are. Refuse to put anyone else down for their physical appearance and take a risk to speak out when you hear it around you. You know, the comments like “she really shouldn’t be wearing that” or “wow she gained weight over the summer”.  And make a commitment to stop putting your own body down.   That’s not to say it’s not ok to feel insecure. We all do. It’s ok to get support in remembering that your body is not the problem. Your body is not the problem. And guess what? It’s ok to say “I love myself”. There is a difference between confidence and conceit, between being self-centered and centered in your self.

“I have a whole new perspective on my body and how it isn’t an enemy that needs to be constantly changed, but a vessel of beauty that I should accept and love and keep as healthy as I can.”  ~ Vanessa, 17 year old.

Note: eating disorders are dangerous and potentially deadly. If you’re struggling with an eating disorder, please get help. If you know someone who is, encourage them to do the same.

Welcome to the first installment of our new advice column – Swagger Up by Cindy Brown.  Today, we respond to a question from a swagger friend about asking for a raise at work:

Question: Since I started I do a lot more and know a lot more to make things easier on my boss.  I’m wanting to ask for one but don’t know how!  My boss and I get along really well so I’m sure it will be lighthearted… we joke a lot together.   I’ve made some smart-alec hints before but he’s not catching on…   I do get Christmas bonuses and I think he thinks that makes up for raises.  Does it?  How do I ask for one?  How much should I expect?  And how often should a person receive one?   Thanks! Shawna

Swagger Up Reply: How big is your company?  If it is small, there might not be any written policies on how often you are eligible for a raise.  The first question is – are there any policies?

Next, I would get organized with all your facts – how long you’ve been there, additional duties etc. A great book for reference is Getting to Yes - which is about negotiation.  You could get all ready and then ask for a short meeting.  You might start with questions like – I wanted to find out if there is a policy about raises and when I might be eligible for one?  When a question is asked in a matter-of-fact, non-threatening way, it will help it to be well-received.  I’d suggest that you have a series of follow- up questions ready to go in case the discussion gets awkward – things like “What were you thinking about when it would be appropriate for us to discuss a raise? Is there feedback that you can give me to help my performance? How can I be more helpful to you?”

Be prepared to listen for any ideas on how you can do an even better job and his level of openness about the raise.  From my experience, I would say that a raise is typically discussed at the one year anniversary of starting your job.  Depending on the economy and how the business is doing – there might be a range of possibilities.  In the past, some larger organizations gave a cost of living raise of around 2-3% each year and then there was the possibility of getting more depending on the “merit” of your performance – so a total of 2-10% might be offered.  There has a been a trend away from cost of living increases and some businesses have not been in the financial position to offer raises as well, so listen for any information that your boss might offer on the performance of the business etc. Read more…