_ love

_ money

_ creativity

_ family

_ leaving a legacy

_ service to the community

_ equal rights

_ accomplishment

_ recognition

_ integrity

_ nature

_ health

_ personal growth

_ self-respect

_ continued learning

_ helping others

_ well-being

_ friendships

_ serenity

_ balance

_ financial security

_ beauty

_ art

_ meaningful work

_ excellence

_ wisdom

_ courage

_ leadership

_ effectiveness

_ honesty

_ spirituality

Many of us have never taken time or had the guidance to figure out our core values. Once you know what is truly key for you, it becomes easier to chart a path through your personal and professional life.  Knowing your values can also help you make decisions that are difficult.  If a situation or choice is particularly painful for you, it may be that some of your most important values are in conflict. Recognizing this dilemma can help you step back and sort out the best choice for you.

For eight years, I taught a class called Real World Planning at the University of Colorado’s College of Architecture and Planning to help graduating seniors figure out their path in life. We explored the students’ passions, their dreams, and how they would make it happen. We started with thinking about values and that became the foundation for all the work that we did in the semester.

If you want to figure out what is important to you, follow these steps:

1.  Go to the values list at http://www.girlsguidetoswagger.com/?p=2496

2.  Check everything that is important to you on the list, if you see something missing – add it to personalize your list

3.  Pick out your top ten values and put a star next to them

4.  Narrow the top ten to five values

5.  Write each of the top five on separate small pieces of paper

6.  Imagine that you had to give up one of your top five values – which one would it be? Throw that one into the center of the table where you are sitting.

7.  What if you had to give up another value? and another? Throw three more values into the center of the table.

8.  What are you left holding in your hand? How do you feel about it? How was it to have to part with the other values you had chosen?

9.  Do some writing on how you felt about the exercise and your last remaining value.  What did you learn about what is important to you? How can that help guide you, as you think about the future?

Let me know if this exercise helped you clarify your values,

Cindy Brown, founder The Girl’s Guide to Swagger

If  you’ve been following our series, you know that I recently visited Egypt. One of my goals was to learn about how girls and women live there and what roles they play in modern Egyptian society.

There are no easy generalizations about the role of girls and women in Egypt, which is a predominantly Muslim country and has been, beginning in 640 AD.  We saw few women driving, although there are no rules against it. After 30 minutes on the streets of Egypt, I had no desire to drive either. Roads built for three lanes of traffic – routinely handled five lanes – with motorbikes, cars, and trucks passing, by driving on the lane lines between other cars.

Although some very young girls did not wear head scarfs, most Egyptian girls and women we saw covered their heads in some ways. On our tour, we saw young girls in brightly colored scarves, some decorated with sequins and we saw women in full black burqas – some with their faces, even their eyes obscured.  While visiting the Sphinx, I watched as a girl led a woman whose face and eyes were completely covered along a path. The full covering seemed impractical and even dangerous to me. According to a Culture Smart guide on Egypt by Jailan Zayan, “up until the 1970′s, most urban Egyptian women wore European dress, which was a statement of modernity and secularism…” Women in rural areas continued to wear more traditional clothing including head scarfs and long cotton robes called gallabiyyas.  However, rising Islamic conservatism has meant that the majority of Egyptian women now cover their heads with a head scarf, called a higab, even though they might be wearing western clothing.

If asked, an Egyptian man might reply that women decide for themselves how to dress.  But, clearly there are a complicated series of factors including religious beliefs, age, marital status and family influence.

Our tour company was Guardian Travel, headed by a woman, Ratiba Elgabry. Her husband started the company and she took over when he died. Although there are women working in all kinds of jobs, on the streets, the scene is dominated by men.  I increasingly looked forward to a glimpse of color brought by a group of young girls in their bright scarves.

Women have been active participants in the revolution of 2011 that ousted President Hosni Mubarak. When a young woman protester was stripped and beaten in the street, thousands of women organized a march of protest last December.  http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/21/world/middleeast/violence-enters-5th-day-as-egyptian-general-blames-protesters.html?pagewanted=all  Women who had not yet been active in the fight for freedom marched to protest police brutality. The march included women with babies and grandmothers speaking out for the first time.

It is a time of radical change in Egypt.  The first presidential elections since the revolution are scheduled for late in May.  Women in Egypt and around the world will be watching to see how the lives of girls and women are impacted by the changes to come.

Cindy Brown, founder The Girl’s Guide to Swagger

On Twitter – there was lots of discussion about sending a princess to college.  One friend said: Here’s an idea, you write and produce a story that fits your narrative instead of petitioning Disney to do it for you.

I love this idea!  It is women doing it for themselves, rather than waiting for others to do it for us.  Of course, writing and producing for the screen is a career in and of itself that requires training and  a network of connections. Perhaps there is an independent film-maker or even a college student out there who would like to take on this project?  Please let us know if you have ideas.

Already, we’ve started to talk about possible storylines for the princess goes to college movie.  There was a poem by Tennyson about a Princess Ida who started a college for women. The poem was later turned into a farcical musical by Gilbert and Sullivan.  The musical made fun of the idea at some level – but the idea of women going to college was out of the box!

Did you know that there are some real life princesses who have gone to college? In 1882, Stematz Yamakawa graduated from Vassar. She was a relative of the Japanese Emperor and when she returned to Japan, she married a prince and became Princesss Oyama. She was third in her class and graduated magna cum laude.

In England, girls 11-18 years old can attend the Princess Helena college. In existence since 1820, the school was named for Queen Victoria’s third daughter Princess Helena, who became the college president in 1874.

Rebecca says we should involve girls in coming up with ideas.  She says we could suggest “developing one’s own princess story, script, or screen play as a media literacy exercise for kids. By learning about what it means to create media, and coming up with ideas and visions of their own, children can start thinking more critically about the media than they could otherwise–and that’s a good thing.”

What is your idea?  Let us know and become part of our campaign to send a princess to college!

Here are the links to our original articles launching the campaign:

Girl’s Guide to Swagger Blogs: http://www.girlsguidetoswagger.com/?p=2200 and http://www.girlsguidetoswagger.com/?p=2229

Rebecca’s Hain’s Blog: http://rebeccahains.wordpress.com/2012/03/08/can-a-princess-dare-to-dream-of-more

Evolving Goddess Ann Thomas can help you find your bigger purpose.  Why? Because Ann has been there herself – working in a career that didn’t satisfy her deeper longings. Even though she heard the call to a higher purpose when she was 19, it felt frightening to her. She knew she wanted to help people and she thought becoming an attorney might be the way for her to do that.

After she had been practicing for a while – she heard about a woman who called herself “The Unhappy Lawyer.” This woman left her career as a lawyer to become a life coach.  Ann knew that this was also the right path for her “to be a true healer; to make sure that women learn to live life on their own terms. We all deserve to be happy.”

After this experience, Ann began to search for her destiny.  She says, “It took me time – therapy, workshops, lots of self help books. I felt like I was fumbling around, but all the steps were worthwhile.”  She says “I actually walked through the fire – it was a blessing.”

Now Ann helps women breakthrough barriers to find their true calling. She shares what she learned and is able to offer short cuts to her clients. Ann says that “women come to me knowing that they are meant to be bigger, bolder – they can feel it, but don’t know how to access it. ” Working with concepts of radical self-love, many women are surprised at how quickly they make the breakthrough.

It’s true that with new self-knowledge can come changes in your life – sometimes a dramatic shake-up; sometimes more subtle. Women leave a marriage or find the courage to take the plunge into a new relationship. They quit jobs, change professions, start their own businesses. By giving themselves permission to truly live their lives – many women find that new attitudes emerge. Women sometimes lose weight or make other healthy changes in their lives, like setting boundaries in their personal and professional relationships.

Ann emphasizes four cornerstones in her work:

1.  Find the divine in you- your higher self is inside, not out there somewhere

2. Honor your body – exercise, embrace the experiences your body can bring you

3. Emotional authenticity – breakthrough what our culture defines as acceptable emotions; feel your own power

4. Mind mastery – become aware of your thoughts, moving from negative to life-affirming thoughts

For women who have a hard time loving themselves, she asks what would you tell your daughter or your friend? Give that same advice to yourself.

When Ann feels disappointment, she asks “What would my future self do?” She holds a vision of her best possible self and that allows her to connect with her core values and direct her toward right action.

Ann says ” Honor the goddess within you; remember you are divine; claim your swagger!”

Once you tell yourself the truth, it is a lot easier to say it to everyone else.

M. Dickson

Is it OK to excuse yourself from a relationship that is toxic for you, even if that relationship is with a family member? M. Dickson says – yes. “Being able to say that this relationship is bad for me and I don’t want to be here and then removing yourself is an important lesson. It is not about right or wrong; it’s more about your own mental health.”

On May 15, M. Dickson’s new book dear dad, it’s over will be released by Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing.  The book tells the story of M.’s struggle to come to terms with the relationship with her father, which began to fall apart when her parents divorced. With a clear-eye and a straightforward approach, M. recounts the many times that her dad let her down for more than 20 years. Although M.’s tone is even and factual, the reader will find themselves emotionally involved, as she tells about disappointment after disappointment, including times when her father actually put her in danger. Once, he let her stay alone at the airport overnight and often his actions resulted in uncomfortable and vulnerable situations for a young M.

At the age of 26, M. made the decision to stop being involved with her father. She says “I struggled with protecting my father.  But the book is about being honest. I had to put it out there. The book is not meant to be malicious, I see my faults as well.”

The story telling began with a blog posting and then became a series of blogs.  In the process of considering making dear dad, it’s over into a book, Wyatt- MacKenzie found M. and invited her to publish the story.  M. says that the process of writing the book was cathartic and healing. She says, “The goal for me was to be able to close a door. It has been helpful in coming to terms with lots of things.” She says she has come out stronger on the other end of the experience, with a new perspective.

Now that the book is being released, she anticipates that there may be some family members who are unhappy. She says she has had to learn to be uncomfortable and not censure her feelings, in order to achieve total honesty in the telling of the story.  M. jokes that she doesn’t think her dad knows about the book yet and if he hasn’t heard about it by father’s day, she may send him a copy.  In addition to being a writer, M. is a stand up comedian.  When asked if her struggles growing up contribute to her comedy, M. quotes Carol Burnett ”Comedy is tragedy plus time.”

Look for M. this summer on fall at book stores, comedy, clubs and colleges near you.  You can buy the book at http://mdicksoncomedy.wordpress.com/the-book/.

I first heard of Julie’s work when I read an article she had written about goddesses. It was an excerpt from her book Goddesses for Everyday. I tracked Julie down in Pagosa Springs and interviewed her for the swagger book- chapter three -spiritual swagger. If you read Julie’s book (which I highly recommend), you will see that she has found 366 role models for women. Each goddess she describes carries her own power and shows us how to tap into our inner strength and capacities. Click on the link for more info or to order.   http://www.newworldlibrary.com/BooksProducts/ProductDetails/tabid/64/SKU/19504/Default.aspx

It was a privilege to travel with Julie through Egypt – from Cairo’s Giza Plateau down the Nile -visiting pyramids and temples and hearing her experiences and knowledge on the goddesses of Egypt. On more than one occasion she stepped up to rescue me from packs of vendors selling souvenirs. In one of my favorites, we were at the Great Pyramid – an overwhelming experience – and an unusually persistent young man kept hassling me to pose for a picture with a young boy. He even put a headdress on my head -without my permission and against my protests. I said “enough” in Arabic – which is Hel-ass quite forcefully, but when he wouldn’t go away, she said the more severe Im’ shee – which means “get lost.” He Im’shee’d her back, but he did go away.  As a woman of swagger, I am not used to being rescued by someone – but I was really grateful for Julie’s assistance and better Arabic!

Currently, Julie is the Director of Operations at the Archuleta County Education Center in Pagosa Springs, Colorado.  The Education Center is a private non-profit that provides educational programs that are not duplicated in the community such as business and computer classes, GED, ESL, after-school tutoring, an alternative high school, and community college courses through Pueblo Community College.

Healthy confidence is a teenage girl’s shield against the struggles and challenges of life. When teenage girls have high self-confidence, they are able to SUCCEED!

Confidence to Greatness is effective because women (and a man) tell the stories of their own struggles and failures with courage and candor. This collection of essays also focuses on how girls overcame obstacles to achieve their dreams. So often, young women find themselves in unsupportive or abusive homes or facing a teen pregnancy. The message of Confidence to Greatness is that none of these problems condemn a girl to failure. Although teenage girls are the intended audience for this book – I think the message that having self-confidence and dreaming big can create real success is important one for all of us.

The book includes a definition of self-worth by Barb Steinberg:

Self-worth is having confidence, believing in yourself, and liking yourself. Self-worth is knowing that it is because of WHO you are and not what you do that you are worthy. You are worthy of being alive; you are worthy of being liked/loved; and you are worthy of good things happening in your life.

We all need the reassurance that we are lovable and deserving of good relationships.  When you feel this way, the pressure of your girlfriends to smoke or drink means less. If you have high self-esteem, you don’t cave in to your boyfriend’s insistence on  having sex when you are not ready.

In addition to the essays, the book has a quiz to help you determine your current self-worth and also a series of priceless actions to take including healing, acknowledging your own value,  appreciating failure, locating your riches, pushing, volunteering and cheering for yourself.

Know a teenage girl who could use a self-worth guide?  Go to www.confidencetogreatness.org.

In the case of Easter, parts of the holiday are built on older traditions and stories.  We believe that the word Easter comes from the Germanic goddess of spring Eostre.  In her book Goddesses for Everyday, Julie Loar tells us that this holiday is “the only feast day in the Christian calendar that is still tied to the moon.”  Easter is celebrated on the first Sunday after the first full moon – after the spring equinox.

As the goddess of renewal and new beginnings, Eostre brings the spring each year.  Julie recounts the story that led to the Easter Bunny tradition in this way:

One year the goddess was late, and a little girl found a bird near death from the cold.  The child turned to Eostre for help. In response a rainbow bridge appeared and Eostre came, clothed in her red robe of vibrant sunlight, melting the snows. Because the creature as wounded beyond repair, Easter changed it into a snow hare, who then brought gifts of rainbow eggs.

Many ancient world religions and some current ones have celebrations near the spring equinox dedicated to fertility and renewal of life.  What does your spring ritual look like?  For me, it feels like awakening after a long sleep to see life with new clarity and new joy.

Here is where my adventure in Egypt began.  After flying almost 11 hours overnight from New York, we arrived in Cairo.  Our hotel, the Mena House, is located at the foot of the Great Pyramid on the Giza Plateau.  I literally could not believe the view from my balcony – the pyramids towered over everything.

I started off by experimenting with my converter that allowed me to change the electric plug to a configuration I could use.  I plugged in my curling iron and went off to the other room.  When I returned, the curling iron was smoking.  I thought I had let it cool enough and used it on my hair.  I burnt a big section of hair and almost set the historic hotel on fire. Not an auspicious start – but it got better from there!