Today we continue our focus on Ann Alexander Leggett, a woman of swagger - Part 2 Deciding to fly.  (For the first piece on Ann see http://www.girlsguidetoswagger.com/?p=2142.)

When did you decide you wanted to learn to fly?

Once, when we were flying through a lightning storm (I wasn’t at the controls at the time, thankfully) my daughter texted me. I replied that I couldn’t text at that moment because we were in the small plane, trying to find our way out of a storm over Wyoming, the lightning was hitting all around us and the turbulence was very bad.  She immediately texted me right back and said: “I don’t think anyone has ever gotten a text like this from their mother!!!”

Are there many women who are pilots?

Can you describe the focus it takes to fly a plane?

It is the best therapy for someone like me. It takes me away. The challenges of flying are immense for me. I don’t think that way. I am right-brained, no science, no math, no numbers. This is like learning a foreign language. The textbook study is hard and tedious and can be boring.

The flying is amazing, but it takes every single ounce of my concentration. When you are tearing down the runway it takes every brain cell. There can be no screw up. There is no room for error. Or you crash. I cannot be thinking about this project or that, or if I turned the iron off or sent that email. It is intense focus on the matter at hand…getting that plane off the ground safely. You just concentrate on what that takes and nothing else. Talk about being IN THE MOMENT! It is a high that is very difficult to explain. But there is a tremendous amount of pressure to remember everything you need to know: the correct airspeeds, the correct altitudes, the preflight routine, the list goes on and on and on.   My 54-year-old brain struggles with all that sometimes. Well, a lot. And if there is a problem, you can’t just pull over. You’d better be calm. Think it through. Figure it out. Don’t panic. I don’t always do that in real life (people who know me are going to laugh at that comment), so flying is teaching me other valuable lessons as well. The other challenge with flying is finding the time to do it. I hate that I can’t do it all the time.

What role does high confidence or swagger play in the process for you?

I had to have the confidence to even try it in the first place. A lot of that credit goes to my instructor who has also become a good friend. She is a role model for me. She tells me: “You CAN do this, you know. Don’t over think it.” I have the confidence to keep going back for more flights. Some days I walk away and think: “well, today was a total bust. I screwed everything up.” But I keep doing it.

To kick off the series, we interviewed Ann Alexander Leggett. She is a woman of incredible energy and accomplishment. Whenever I see her, I come away feeling inspired. Ann is an author, artist, athlete, runs her own company, and has founded a new skin care line. I asked Ann to tell us about her many projects and how the new skin care products were created in response to her own personal health challenge.

Can you briefly describe your current business and major projects?

In a nutshell, I own my own PR/marketing/design firm, OceanGirl Design (http://www.oceangirldesign.com). I have been working for myself for 28 years. Currently, I am doing a lot of PR for major street reconstruction projects, and design/marketing work for a large concrete company and an oil and gas services firm. My job requires me to be very detailed, very communicative, very upbeat.

I am also an artist and I work in mixed media. As a result of that, I am in the process of creating an eclectic neighborhood art market in Boulder 2mrkt.com .  I am the co-creator of a natural skin care company with my son that we expect to have up and running this spring. I am an author and just wrote a book with my daughter. “A Haunted History of Denver’s Croke-Patterson Mansion” (http://amzn.to/y383b6) was released by History Press last September. I am an active fundraiser for the Lance Armstrong Foundation, and several times a year I gather all my friends for events I plan to benefit that organization. In the fall I head to Austin to ride 50 miles on my bike to raise more money. I am also studying for my pilot’s license. I may be 90 by the time I get it, but by God, I will get it.

Tell us about why you started the new skin care line

After the treatments for my breast cancer, I started doing some research. The first question you ask when you are diagnosed with cancer is “why me?” In the quest to find out “why,” I found some interesting stuff that I had never paid much attention to before. For example, the typical woman is exposed to 200 harmful chemicals before she leaves her house in the morning. And most of those are in her personal body/makeup products. I looked at the labels on my products and literally threw everything away.

My particular kind of cancer was fed by estrogen. Parabens, a common preservative used in personal care products for both men and women, have been shown to mimic estrogen and are known to disrupt hormone function. This is just one of the many dangerous ingredients found in body care products. Phthalates, parabens, formaldehyde, triclosan (just go look at your labels). Once I dumped everything in the trash I was faced with nothing to use. I had to find alternatives. It was a major — and expensive — pain in the butt. It would have been easier just to keep it all and forget about it…take my chances. Ten years ago there weren’t that many good alternatives, so for years now I have been looking for safe alternatives, and making products in my kitchen to use, and I have finally decided that it is time to take this to the next level. Another whole thing to learn – the science of formulation, the best ingredients…it goes on and on. I love it. I love the creation of something that will be so valuable to people. It’s my way to give back. Makes me feel good. The company is called +plus modern skin (http://plusmodernskin.tumblr.com). We’ll launch in early April. Five years after my cancer experience, my husband was diagnosed with cancer. He is fine now too, but still. This company is near and dear to my heart.

Any other projects arise through responding to life challenges?

All of my projects are a result of responding to life challenges. There will be more challenges and more projects. Like so many others, I’ve had lots of off-the-chart tough times. As a result, I am always in overdrive. I am very driven. Perhaps to a fault, maybe, but it’s how I am wired. I strive to always get better. I strive to be the best at what I do. It certainly has its pitfalls at times. I don’t sleep much for days at a time, and I don’t take many days off. I worry. I stress. My mind never stops. So, I create art as a calm down. Or I go fly. Or I go to the gym. Or I vacuum. But actually, the busier I am, the more my mind is at peace, even though being so busy makes me crazy sometimes. It’s when I’m quiet that I get in trouble.

What can you say about the role of high confidence in finding the courage to take on so many unique and ambitious projects?

Confidence? Yikes. I feel as though I am always walking off a cliff. I know that if I don’t do it, I will be disappointed with myself. I hold myself to very high standards. I am very ambitious. I  love to learn. My ambitious projects are a result of me being different and very creative. I love having a million balls in the air and I like the craziness and different types of projects with which I am involved. It keeps me interested. It takes courage and confidence and ambition to just DO it. The best ad slogan ever is from Nike. It’s my mantra: JUST DO IT! I live my life by that. Every day.

For example, people ask me how to write books. How did I get them done? How did I get them published? How did I stay focused on writing? My answer is: Just write it! Just DO it! If you just do it, whatever it is, your life will fall into place. Take the steps you are afraid to take. In the end it will fulfill you. And that is what’s important.

Note: The story of Ann pursuing her pilot’s license is so good that we will run that story as installment #2 in the Women with Swagger Series.

“Healthy confidence is a teenage girl’s shield against the struggles and challenges of life. When teenage girls have high self-confidence, they are able to triumph over many adversities life throws at them. With today’s challenges of gender bias, sexual exploitation, teen pregnancy, family problems, drug and alcohol abuse, school issues, sexual harassment, domestic abuse, social media drama, bullying, eating disorders, and image distortion, teenage girls need self-confidence and the constant reminders that they are worthy to reach their personal level of greatness.”

In her roles as aunt and high school counselor, Ruby saw the challenges girls face in achieving and maintaining their confidence.  I have been personally inspired by her willingness to step up and DO something about the pain that girls feel as they strive to contribute their unique talents to the world and are met by demeaning media images and lack of support at home and school.

She says “In 2007, I was heartbroken by the pain, hurt, and lack of confidence my niece and my urban students had. I saw the lack of confidence and self-worth hindering their ability to overcome adversities to reach their true greatness. Wanting to help, I created a poem entitled “What Are You Worth?” In 2011, I expanded on the poem and created the movement Confidence to Greatness, (Buy and Give) a social enterprise that sell books and each book purchased provides me the resources to conduct free Confidence to Greatness workshops and donate books to urban public schools, churches, non-profit organizations, and conferences. “Buy and Give”. Every time a book is brought we are given the opportunity to give Confidence to Greatness workshops and donate Confidence to Greatness for Teenage Girls books to workshop participants for FREE.”

Take a look at the link and join me in buying a book!   http://www.confidencetogreatness.org/

The Girl’s Guide to Swagger is looking for a literary and social media consultant.  The position will start out as five hours per week for February and March and may expand in the months to come.  The primary duties daily social media postings on swagger topics, along with writing and editing blogs for the website. Improving the website and outreach efforts will be part of the job.  As time permits and as hours expand, the position will focus on research into a new charitable foundation and options for publishing the swagger book.

I’m looking for an person with blogging and social media strategy experience and excellent writing and editing skills.  Enthusiasm for the topic of high feminine confidence  = swagger is crucial, along with a fun personality and absolute reliability.  Sound like you?  Click to read on and find out how to apply.  Primary recruiting is February 1 – Feb 6, 2012.

Literary and Social Media consultant

Time period:  February 6 – March 31, 2012 approximately 5 hours per week for 8 weeks; two month commitment; potential to expand hours and responsibilities – evaluated at two months

Primary Duties:

1. Handle daily social media postings for The Girl’s Guide to Swagger, including book excerpts, quotes, statistics etc.
2. Coordinate twice weekly blogs for swagger website – inviting guest columnists and contributing original material
3. Review and edit articles by guest columnists and others
4. Lead research and recommendations for improvements to website and social media presence

As time permits

1. Research and recommend publishing options for book
2. Research on formation of 501c3 charitable foundation, including available grants and sponsorships.
3. Assistance scheduling events and appearances

Qualifications:

1. Experience blogging and updating websites  – WordPress and security protocols a plus
2. Experience with social media, including Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn
3. Excellent writing and editing skills
4. Past experience with grant writing or other aspects of non-profit work
5. Enthusiasm for promoting equality for women

Compensation:  $20 per hour x 5 hours a week; paid every other week – February – March 2012

To apply:  Please email cover letter explaining how your experience qualifies you to perform the duties for the position.  Include a resume.  thegirlsguidetoswagger@gmail.com

Website: www.girlsguidetoswagger.com
Facebook:  http://www.facebook.com/GirlsGuideToSwagger
Twitter: http://twitter.com/GirlsSwaggerInc

Mindfulness is being aware of yourself, others, and your surroundings in the moment. When consciously and kindly focusing awareness on life as it unfolds minute by precious minute, you are better able to savor each experience.  

Sue Patton Thoele, The Mindful Woman

Would you like to be more serene, peaceful, and happy? According to Sue Patton Thoele in The Mindful Woman, mindfulness is a way to achieve all of those things.  I have long sought a way to be more content and able to enjoy the present moment, without worrying so much about the past or future.

Sue says that the elements of mindfulness are:

1.  Paying attention – focusing in the present

2.  Living in the moment – consciously engaging in what we are doing in the now

3.  Simplifying – clearing out inner and outer clutter

4.  Breathing - ”Breathing is the bridge between body and mind and the gateway to the present moment.”

Sue discusses a variety of practices that can help lead to a state of calmness including cultivating compassionate awareness and being at home in the moment.  One of my favorite practices is generating soft power.  She describes out when she first began to feel empowered, she grew a “tougher-than-necessary shell.”  With time and increased confidence she was able to find a way to retain her new power and also access her tender-hearted, gentle authentic nature.  She calls this state “soft power.”

As we learn to increase our confidence or swagger, I believe it is possible to stay in touch with our inner generosity and balance.  Going forward with swagger, does not require that we act like men or even other powerful women we know.  Rather true feminine swagger allows us to generate the courage we need by drawing on our authentic core and our own experiences and strengths.

After reading The Mindful Woman, I’ve come to believe that being centered, present, and mindful can help us access our intuitive wisdom, grace, and natural swagger. You can read the book or just begin to practice by breathing into the present moment with its joys and pleasures.

Do you feel frustrated when you see the young women you know struggle with body image? You might have the same struggle – given the constant bombardment of media messages about how you are supposed to look.  You may already know that the pictures of women you see in magazines and on TV are often not real. The images are often enhanced, air brushed, and photo-shopped. So the ideal that we may be striving for is not even real.

Deida Massey decide to do something with her frustrations – she lives by Gandhi’s famous words – “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” Deida is the founder of the Chicago non-profit Reel Beauty.  Here is Deida’s story:

Prior to pursuing her dream of being a makeup artist in the beauty, fashion, music and entertainment industry, Deida obtained a Master’s of Jurisprudence from Loyola School of Law in Child and Family Law. While in school, Deida worked as a paralegal for the Cook County Public Guardian’s Office in Chicago, Illinois.During the day she advocated for abused and neglected children as a paralegal, but her love for makeup led her to moonlight as a makeup artist at night and on the weekends. In fact, it didn’t take her long to trade in her cushy, nine-to-five job for a more creative and rewarding career in makeup artistry. She took a courageous leap of faith, left the Windy City and moved to Los Angeles, CA in 2002. In 2004, Deida’s vision to create Reel Beauty manifested while living in LA. She then decided to bridge the gap between her love and passion for makeup artistry and helping young women. Today Deida Massey is the Founder and Executive Director of Reel Beauty, Inc – an organization that assists at risk urban girls. “We teach them to value themselves and empower them with self worth, self-esteem and self confidence so they will be productive citizens within their environment. We do that by offering 10 activity-based workshops designed to help these young women resolve the problems they struggle with day to day.” Deida realized how detrimental the messages in today’s music, culture and media portrayal were. “I wanted to do something to combat all the negativity.”

Reel Beauty has mentored more than 500 girls offering workshops that help build positive self-image and supporting young women as they combat negativity in their lives and work toward their dreams.  Reel Beauty is working on expanding its program to Tanzania.

The Girl’s Guide to Swagger welcomes our newest partner Deida Massey and Reel Beauty.  We salute you for the good work you are doing supporting swagger for girls and for “being the change!”

Reel Beauty, Inc. is a 501 (c)(3) non profit that teaches teen girls ages 11-18 the importance of self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth. We achieve our mission by offering proven self-esteem workshops that help develop young girls to become productive citizens within their environment.  Our ultimate goal is to become an international force of change. Web site: www.reelbeautyinc.com

Guest blog by Rachel Prinz

At the end of 2010, in the midst for trying to reframe my life’s work, asking myself if I was actually doing what I REALLY wanted to be doing, I sat down for a couple of weeks and read. I read every book I could get my hands on that dealt with finding and then cultivating your true purpose.  When I read everything the library had and everything I could get them to borrow from other libraries, I sat with it… and I started observing my life as if watching from the outside.

The lost, the found, and the connectors

One of the first things that I realized was that I was surrounded by one of two types of people: I called them “the lost” – people who had no idea what they were doing or why, and in vastly greater numbers in my case… “the found” – people who not only knew what they wanted but were voracious at going after it.

I realized too that I was “a connector” in the modern parlance – I had lots of connected friends and I put them together regularly to help them achieve goals. Wow. That was awesome. But was that all I was here for? Wasn’t I supposed to be DOING something myself too?  I had successfully built a network of “manifestors” but I myself wasn’t one. Nor did I know how to become one. Because, if you ask a manifestor how they became that, most will look at you quizzically. If they can come up with an answer, it is usually something like “I just tried everything until I got good at (a few, or one) and I committed to that with every fiber of my being.”

An opportunity

Then, a dear older architect friend of mine who is often more mentor than friend sent me a link to an award she thought I should apply for – a scholarship named after my best friend Jason Pettigrew, who died several years ago on the eve of his 30^th birthday. She thought that I would be a natural fit for the award, which would pay for the study materials and the exams required for the Architect’s Registration Examination, which besides being prohibitively expensive is also the hardest endeavor an architectural designer can make, taking months if not years of study and 7-9 extremely rigorous tests in everything from structural engineering to architectural design to civil engineering to architecture history.

Not only do I find the test extremely intimidating, but ANYONE finding me worthy of an award in Jason’s name, I thought was completely undeserved. Jason was not only thriving in his practice, but successfully finishing the exams, a leader both in state and national AIA, active in his community AND finishing up seminary when he died. He was one of those rare leaders who made everyone want to come along, made everyone feel empowered and capable, including me. Which is why, when I found out I was going blind, I moved halfway across the country to be near him. If anyone could save me from myself as I grappled with my diagnosis, he could. And he did.

In my mind, I wasn’t worthy of any award in his name. I saw myself as just another architectural designer, of no real note or even purpose. But I wanted to see if I could be worthy of such an award.

My purpose

Then, it all started to come together… I already knew from my time sitting in the silence of “what am I here for” what I was. I was 100% sure that I wanted to be an architectural educator. I LOVE architecture. I love talking about it, and from many perspectives – how light and shadow make us feel comfortable, or tense, and how we can use that tension to make people awake, alert, centered, hopeful… or the reverse.  I love how architecture relates to psychology and art and science. I love the flow of it. How traditionalists and modernists battle for a voice in the vortex of spatial mediocrity we find everywhere around us. I knew my objective. And I had a collection of friends who were good at making things happen. I remembered the advice… “commit to that with every fiber of (my) being.” I didn’t think I could get a job teaching architecture in the academies without some credentials, but a friend gently prodded me one day, saying “So what? You want to teach? Then TEACH.”

Action and response

So I started talking. And writing. I approached anyone with anything to do with anything architectural, asked them how we could share ideas that would connect us in our purposes. I put the ideas out there, for free. Through blogs, through tweets, through Facebook… I shared my knowledge. In the year since I started sharing, I have been invited to speak to community groups, to the Historic Preservation Commission, to the Arts and Culture District, to the state archaeology convention, to 200 non-architects at the design series Pecha Kucha… eventually I even got invited to speak to an audience of 700 at TEDxABQ , which was posted on youtube, then picked up by one of the architecture newsreels and eventually seen by thousands of people. From there I was asked to come to colleges and speak to students of art and historic preservation.  I started collecting new friends from all over the world on Twitter and Facebook, and through sharing our ideas and our ideals freely, we started seeing ways we could work together to achieve real changes in our communities. I was working too, and whenever I could, I would connect the people with a problem with the people with a solution. I was cultivating both my connector and my manifestor, and I didn’t need to be a professor to do it. I was teaming up with great people, bringing architectural education to everyday people, all over the world.

My own unique voice

So this year, the time has come again for the applications for the AIA Jason Pettigrew scholarship. And this year, I might just apply. Because I learned how I could REALLY make a difference, with my own unique voice, and in a powerful and uplifting way. I learned how to go for it even if it made no sense to anyone around me. I didn’t need permission. I just needed to look for opportunity and then be brave enough to try. More often than not, I was actually able to manifest making a difference. I think Jason would have liked that very much. I know I do.

Find out more about Rachel and her work at http://www.archinia.com/. To those whom my life may touch in slight measure, May I give graciously Of what is mine….

Links:  TED http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmkIE0hfVko

Pecha Kucha http://vimeo.com/26635579

Yes, I say Yes – Yoko Ono

Thank you to all my friends and advisers who answered my call for wisdom and perspective on the question – should I go to Egypt? Your ideas broadened my view of the question and helped me feel the courage I needed to say YES!

I will be joining Julie Loar, author of Goddesses for Everyday on a trip to view the sacred sites of Egypt and to cruise the Nile in March 2012. Nothing like a great adventure to awaken the spirit and the soul!

Here is a view on travel to Egypt passed on by Julie – for those who might be considering coming along! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/peter-greenberg/the-travel-detective-on-t_b_1205841.html

With appreciation,

Cindy

What’s Wrong with Me,

1.     Can you tell me about what inspired you to write What’s Wrong with Me?

My life coach encouraged me to get started on the book a few years ago, but the deep need for me to write it came from the lost girl I used to be. I felt so misunderstood, sometimes unloved (although I was loved), I didn’t like myself or the way I looked, and I didn’t get attention I wanted from boys at school or my own father. I didn’t have a mentor to guide me and rely on, and although I became a Christian at age 10, I didn’t fully accept everything about what comes with a relationship with God. So all of these elements had a hand in motivating me to produce What’s Wrong with Me?

2.     What part of the book are you most excited about?

I love bringing up the things that are supposedly taboo, or that people know is present but don’t want to admit (e.g., the proverbial “elephant in the room.” Don’t you know that once you expose something negative, it starts to lose its power?

Specifically, although it’s not exactly “exciting,” one of things I am proud of in this book is the battle I won with depression, as it relates to my daughter and her father. The African American community in particular likes to keep mental health issues on the hush, but I like to tell my story so that others won’t feel ashamed to admit when they’re deeply hurt, nor be afraid to work through their issues.

3.     Who is the target audience for the book? Have you had any initial responses from your readers?

I wrote the book with teen girls in mind, and I have heard from teen girls that read it quickly (couldn’t put it down), and enjoyed it. I’m also hearing a great response from women in their 20s-40s (both mothers and childless women), who also strongly relate and identify with the concepts in the book, especially regarding relationships and self-esteem. I firmly believe that the issues I discuss in the book that are not resolved when you’re young follow you and often cause bigger issues into adulthood.

4.     The Girl’s Guide to Swagger is focused on promoting confidence for girls and women – how does What’s Wrong with Me? deal with confidence?

As an extension of my answer in question 1, I talk about my insecurities as a girl/teen and give advice for how to handle that. For example, I didn’t care for my flat chest and big butt– according to what I saw on TV, my shape was not “in.” An hourglass shape (think Beyonce-Kim Kardashian-Nikki Minaj) was coveted. My hair was very thick and coarse– it wouldn’t stay straight for long even with a perm (relaxer). I talk about acceptance and how to turn those feelings around to consider not what is wrong with you (and who says, anyway?) but rather, what’s RIGHT with you.

5.     How do you think confidence impacts the life experience for girls?

Confidence tells you that you can or can’t do something. Are you sure you can do that? Maybe not, but if you have confidence you’re willing to try, and you don’t beat yourself up if you don’t make it the first time. Make it a practice to affirm yourself no matter what your circumstances look like. Encourage yourself and if you’re not 100% confident about something, it’s ok to “fake it ’til you make it.”

6.     How does the book fit in with your life purpose?

My life purpose–at least in this phase of my life–is to uplift and motivate girls and young women to be their best, to learn from their mistakes, and be empowered. I’ve spoken on motivational and empowerment topics for a long time, but I wanted to add a part of me–the book is partly a memoir–to offer at my speeches or workshops.

7.     You wrote a guest blog for the swagger website called – “If you got it, flaunt it! Not so fast” How do you think clothing reflects a girl’s self-image?

Our clothes say a lot about us. It’s a form of expression even if you don’t mean for it to be. Your personality is not always reflected in the way you dress, but initially people judge you by your appearance–like it or not.

Most of have at least one piece of clothing or jewelry that we feel good wearing, and that’s ok. But you have to recognize whether you NEED to have it to feel good about yourself. This can even be extended to something like wigs. Even though technically they’re not clothing, you do put it on before going outside. Are you trying to impress someone else with what you have on, or do you wear it because YOU like it?

Some girls wear tight clothes to get attention from boys. Some get trendy clothes they see at the mall even if it doesn’t fit or flatter them, just because they like them or “that’s what’s in.” Some wear fashion based on the styles of their favorite celebrities. But everything isn’t for everybody. Whether you shop at K-Mart, Nordstrom’s or somewhere in between, you can keep it classy and not be trashy.

8.     Any advice for the community of women who make up The Girl’s Guide to Swagger?

Females in our society have come a long way, but we have a long way to go. Girls need to see A) that other females in the world and their community are happy and successful with their lives, and B) feel that they too can accomplish anything. Women need to be those examples, but girls need to know that even if they don’t physically see anything like THEIR VISION, that doesn’t mean it can’t be done.

When you believe you can do something, nothing can stop you except you. But first you’ve got to believe it, then you create a plan, and you have to act on it. Every step of the way may not be smooth, but you will learn and grow because of it. And when you look back, you’ll see your progress. You may get tired, you may want to take a break (I certainly did both with this book!), but once you have your goal in mind, don’t stop until you get there!

Daree Allen is an authorpreneur, young adult esteem advocate, speaker, and goal-getter in Atlanta, GA. She has published articles on a variety of topics as a freelance writer and blogger, and is the author of the new teen mentoring book entitled, “What’s Wrong With Me?” in which she discusses her own childhood dealing with self-esteem, premarital sex, family and personal relationships. Find out more about her work at www.dareesinsights.wordpress.com and www.DareeAllen.com.

The Girl’s Guide to Swagger pays tribute to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr today, by posting some of his words. It is through the work of courageous people like Dr. King that our world moves and sways slowly toward justice.

The arc of the moral universe is long, but it sways toward justice.