Even those women who successfully swagger at work, in sports, church and the classroom have trouble swaggering in their family relationships. Women are chronically wrestling with multiple roles within their relationships and the ongoing need to assert themselves to achieve equality and success.

Some women, though, have found a way to carry their confidence into their personal relationships. Jessica says, “In relationships, I have swagger. In every moment it feels like I’m challenging the cultural trance about sexuality. I’ve told my partner that my vagina is not available to him now. I’m available to play sexually and to deepen our sexual intimacy, which is very different than mandatory intercourse. The swagger I express in this area is the opposite of our typical understanding of swagger in bed, which is defined as keeping up with the boys. Saying what’s true for me and no longer pretending is actually my most authentic expression of swagger.”

Michelle says, “Historically when my family gets together, my Dad and older brother dominate the discussion and usually have a football game on.  Once, I was in a spunky mood and went in the living room and suggested that everyone should try wearing thong underwear.  A hilarious discussion followed.  I felt fine with who I was and it felt like there was a shift, a break from the past – a new kind of fun in the family discussions -breaking family habits. I know many strong women who feel stifled by relatives.  This event opened up the conversation – it was so fun. Before I was bored.  I need to be authentic with people, even if it means pushing boundaries.  After that day, I felt different than I had in my life, willing to say “here I am.”